Everywhere I went, somebody was speaking her name. I knew about the bitch before i even met her. From what I heard, she's a legend in these streets. Some people beat around the bush when they mention her name, other MFs just flat out said what it was wit her.
They said she was "for everybody", she "belonged to the streets", and that she was "for the community ". One time, I heard my sister mention her name on the phone... talking about, "how being around her was so eye opening and how wise she was" and shit. She said she'd learned so much from her. I'd heard good shit and some bad shit about her. I was divided AF on who she was FR. The people that mentioned her name, would say the foulest, most vulgar shit behind it. And yet, others, spoke of her as if she was God's gift to mankind! I didn't know what to think about the bitch! I just know I ran into her EVERYWHERE!
A few people even gave her credit for changing their lives. I laughed to myself on that shit! I laughed real hard too. I thought, "how can this bitch be out here changing lives, exchanging herself for money?!" Because that's what errbody's saying. "Are MFs really out here believing a common bitch is changing lives?!" I laughed again on that shit. If anybody can have it, I don't want that shit! She was for the streets. Something in me was curious though...
In retrospect, if I knew then, what I know now...I would have deaded that curiosity in my mind about her and moved on with my life. Damn I wish I knew.
Let me finish...
I kept running into the bitch. I ran into her at parties, seen her at the strip club. Ran into her during Super Bowl Sunday. Everywhere! She was always with a gang of MFs too! Last time I ran into the bitch at a party...I watched her for a minute. I had to admit, she was smooth as fuck! The way she got around, that lil bitch definitely knew how to work a room! She had every body smiling and tryna HIT! Bitches and Niggas both! Damn! By the time she made her way to the back of the room, the people in the front was looking for her!
She was definitely THAT BITCH! I had to admit that much at least. She was in her feminine flow! And that shit was sexy as fuck! No cap! All facts!
I would never admit this to my niggas but...I loved the fact that she owned who she was! With no MF apologies either! And her energy?! Damn! That shit was bananas!! Her energy was definitely one of a kind! After that, she started to pique my interest. Real Bad. I had to know more!
I started asking questions about her. One thing for sure, two things for certain... that bitch name rung bells! Everywhere. With all races, creeds and social classes. It didn't matter with this bitch, she crossed ALL boundaries and classes! They all knew her personally or had heard of her before.
At the corner store last week, the cashier mentioned her name ,and customers in line started laughing like a MF! Hard as fuck too. I left shaking my head and thinking , "that's exactly why I don't fuck with common bitches!"...
People was dogging her name on the block and shit! MFs was saying that, for the right price she'd go with anybody. They said she was only good for some "no strings attached" type shit. They said, she got down with dudes and females. I thought to myself, "damn, Shorty get around".
I ran into her again last week. That bitch was "looking like an open safe!" Damn she was pretty AF! And she had the most unique scent, I've ever smelled! And that's when it happened! That was the day I made up my mind. I wanted her. And I always got what I wanted. This time, it was her.
But I wanted to know more about her first, before I took her down. Because I'm definitely NOT trying to get burnt by this lil bitch. But I want her now. And I want her real bad.
Slowly but surely, thoughts of her started taking over my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the bitch! That bitch had a condo in my head, and she was living rent free! To keep shit one hundred, part of me loathed her for breaking me down the way she did. Just looking at her MADE me want her bad as fuck! Damn. That bitch. I desired her, and hated her at the same damn time.
One day, one of the bros said something about her that caught me off guard. He started with, "she don't ask no questions, she just let you hit however and whenever you want". I was intrigued! But what he said next, is what made me decide right then and there, that I was gonna pay WHATEVER PRICE to have that lil bitch. I wanted her bad before, but now I was fiendin' for the bitch!
Bro looked a little embarrassed at first, but then he got serious AF. He turned to me and deadass said, "man, it's something special about her...it's something about the way she makes me feel deep inside"... I couldn't contain it any more, I didn't even want to hear what else bro had to say. I just wanted my turn with her! "Say less my dude!", I almost yelled that shit I was so excited! Shiiiiiiidd! I was bored and ready for a change anyway. I got the number from bro, sent a text and made arrangements to link that same night. Shiiiiddd...why wait?!
6 months later...
I KNEW better. In the back of my mind, there were red flags and MF lights! And truth be told, there were all other kinds of signs and shit, warning me about this bitch! But I STILL moved forward with her! Right before I pulled off from bro spot that night, to pick her up...I heard a small voice in the back of my mind, that simply said "NO". The voice was quiet and gentle. And I ignored that shit!. Fuck was I thinking?!
It's been 6 months now and my nose is wide open for this bitch.
Slowly but surely, she started demanding more and more of my time. After a while, I just accepted it and gave her what she wanted. Mostly because I'm so in love with this bitch, I can't see my life with her in it now. But at the same time, I hate her. I hate here for the control she has over me. And I feel like I'm powerless to stop it.
She is now the center of my world. Everything revolves around her. She decides when I go to work and where I work. She decides who my friends are! If my friends don't fuck with her, then I don't fuck with them. Period. She, alone determines if my day is gonna be good or bad. If she's by my side, it's a good day, if not, then it's a bad one. Some days, I can't even find her ass at all! One time, she was gone for an entire week! Seven full MF days! I couldn't find that bitch nowhere!
I felt as if I was going to die without her! She was always available for me when we first started hooking up. Now more often, than not, it's hard to find the bitch. And that makes me sad.
I'm convinced the bitch was created with no emotions, whatsoever. I no longer care that she's for the streets and is considered as common. As long as she continues to be by my side and come to me every night, I don't care what she do in these streets.
Over time, she started changing. She's out for days at a time and I have to call around looking for her. It's hard for me to sleep if she's not by my side. Once, when she was gone for three days, out of desperation, I called my mother looking for her. Rumor is, my dad use to fuck with her too, and because of that, Ma Dukes hated her! . My Moms cussed me out bad. She told me not to call her about "stupid shit". She said she didn't fuck with that "stink bitch", and she never liked her!
Then, CLICK. I don't even know why i called moms in the first place. I'm tired of this shit! I was always chasing her. Embarrassing myself and shit. Driving around at all hours of the night, looking for her and shit. Knowing I gotta be at work in the morning. Calling all the people I thought she could be with.
I found out the hard way, that what everyone was saying about her was true. She was for EVERYBODY!
I still couldn't give her up though . Bro was right...there was just something about her, She really WAS special. Something about her soothed me... deep down inside. When she left my sight, she'd then enter my mind. Just knowing she's at home, waiting for me as I go throughout my work day, puts my mind and heart at ease. And that makes me happy!
I said i would never admit this to anyone, but deep down inside, I KNOW I fucked up the first time I linked with her. I feel it every day. When the streets spoke...I should have listened! I will ALWAYS REGRET not walking away from this bitch when I had the chance. And we are still together today.
I just watched her get passed around at party by three dudes. Including me. We all had our turn with her. And I still refuse to let go. I'm home now. Waiting for her to arrive, my bro said he was gonna drop her off to me later.
I'm just sitting here alone now...reminiscing about her and what just happened. About how me and my bros passed her around like it wasn't shit. About how we were laughing and smiling and talking shit, while doing it too...
As I sit on my squeaky bed, the bed that I've had her in so many times before...
hot tears start to stream down my face. I allow them to fall, for they must. I shed tears until I can't cry anymore.
Then, as if on autopilot...I slowly lift my hands, bringing my fingers to my nose...
I inhale deeply.
Her "scent" saturated my finger tips, her smell...still all over them. It was at that very moment in my life, that I understood what unconditional love is.
I Love U Mary Jane~
AKA:
Weed, Pressure, Gas, Za Za, Ganja, Smoke, Tree, Haze, and my personal favorite...Reefer! :)
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